A whirlwind 2019...

2019 just went poof...and really just like that, because I can't even recall most of what transpired.

I'm not quite sure how to assess our 2019 because it's full of ups and down.  Family issues that never ends, (i.e. Pechot-Alcantara-Francisco issues/cases pending, health issues, financial issues - what's new on this one?), work issues, the uncertainties of my status and work assignment, our questionable retirable years...but few joyful ones too. Arrival of new great grand nephew and great grand nieces (Baby E, from Nino and Deb, upcoming one from Diane and Mon), US trip of CJ,Mell & kids, to name a few...

Every beginning of each year, I always ask the Lord to direct my heart to a verse that will be my guide for the upcoming year, 2020.  In my heart, I've been getting tired of all the family troubles and problems, the several judicial cases my sister handle, her own personal case with the Alcantara's and I have to admit, my heart frets over the injustices of our judges and judicial/governmental system, the arrogance of the other parties thinking it is us who's at fault (much as we have bared ourselves to God) and seemingly rejoicing over their so-called triumphs, my family's current condition, hate-bitterness,disobedience, arrogance, all that the Bible dictates that will happen in the end days and not knowing how to deal with it, how the spiritual can win over the carnal thoughts and emotions...that's just to name a few, and i struggle with it.  Even if I know in my head and in my heart what God says, but Psalm 37 reminded me once again, HE IS IN CONTROL of EVERYTHING. I just need to trust.

Psalm 37

A psalm of David.

1 Don’t worry about the wicked
    or envy those who do wrong.
2 For like grass, they soon fade away.
    Like spring flowers, they soon wither.

3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
    Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you your heart’s desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
    Trust him, and he will help you.
6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
    and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
    and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
    or fret about their wicked schemes.

8 Stop being angry!
    Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—
    it only leads to harm.
9 For the wicked will be destroyed,
    but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

10 Soon the wicked will disappear.
    Though you look for them, they will be gone.
11 The lowly will possess the land
    and will live in peace and prosperity.

12 The wicked plot against the godly;
    they snarl at them in defiance.
13 But the Lord just laughs,
    for he sees their day of judgment coming.

14 The wicked draw their swords
    and string their bows
to kill the poor and the oppressed,
    to slaughter those who do right.
15 But their swords will stab their own hearts,
    and their bows will be broken.

16 It is better to be godly and have little
    than to be evil and rich.
17 For the strength of the wicked will be shattered,
    but the Lord takes care of the godly.

18 Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent,
    and they will receive an inheritance that lasts forever.
19 They will not be disgraced in hard times;
    even in famine they will have more than enough.

20 But the wicked will die.
    The Lord’s enemies are like flowers in a field—
    they will disappear like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and never repay,
    but the godly are generous givers.
22 Those the Lord blesses will possess the land,
    but those he curses will die.

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
    He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
    for the Lord holds them by the hand.

25 Once I was young, and now I am old.
    Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned
    or their children begging for bread.
26 The godly always give generous loans to others,
    and their children are a blessing.

27 Turn from evil and do good,
    and you will live in the land forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice,
    and he will never abandon the godly.

He will keep them safe forever,
    but the children of the wicked will die.
29 The godly will possess the land
    and will live there forever.

30 The godly offer good counsel;
    they teach right from wrong.
31 They have made God’s law their own,
    so they will never slip from his path.

32 The wicked wait in ambush for the godly,
    looking for an excuse to kill them.
33 But the Lord will not let the wicked succeed
    or let the godly be condemned when they are put on trial.

34 Put your hope in the Lord.
    Travel steadily along his path.
He will honor you by giving you the land.
    You will see the wicked destroyed.

35 I have seen wicked and ruthless people
    flourishing like a tree in its native soil.
36 But when I looked again, they were gone!
    Though I searched for them, I could not find them!

37 Look at those who are honest and good,
    for a wonderful future awaits those who love peace.
38 But the rebellious will be destroyed;
    they have no future.

39 The Lord rescues the godly;
    he is their fortress in times of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them,
    rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them,
    and they find shelter in him.

So many verses reminded me of His unfailing love, his unfailing justice, unfailing forgiveness. 

Psalm 31:17-18; Job 34: 11-12; Psalm 12:7; Exodus 15:26; Isaiah 41:13 Psalm 7:10; Psalm 50;15

So, for 2020, I have to start over again.  I have to re-learn to love the unlovable, to forgive the unforgivable, to rest secure in the uncertainties, the injustices and unfairness of life. As in 

Matthew 5:5 under the MSG version, it says, 

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less.  

That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can be bought."

But who would think that early 2020, seems the birthing pains of what the Bible says regarding the End times?  The eruption of Taal Volcano, that disabled mom's planned trip to the Philippines.  The devastating news of kidney cancer for Vic, stroke for Michael? And then, adding the nasty COVID-19 virus that struck the world! Nasty that the world came to a halt somehow that brought everyone to quarantine, shelter in place, work at home scenarios, businesses totally shutting down for at least 2 straight months and more, tried re-opening sometime in June, only to close again in July as infection resurged, skyrocketed again.  Pechot's untimely demise in June 23, 2020, all of a sudden, and what reason or purpose?  Only God knows.  Mom said, sometimes, the Lord takes someone away already instead of him/her getting worse living in sin.  I just pray he got the chance to ask the Lord for forgiveness.  We sincerely hope that his family is safe despite the exposure.

Reading through Psalm 33, (my COVID-19 Psalm), He stands true to His Word.  No plans of man can thwart the Lord's...if we remain in Him, we fear Him in reverence, hope in His unfailing love, He will deliver us from death and keep us alive in famine...We simply need to trust in His divine purpose, his desire for man to return to Him, seek His face and forgiveness, and He will forgive, hear our prayers and heal our land. (2Chronicles7:14) 

For now, let us wait patiently.  As we wait, we wait in hope.  Romans 8:24-25 declares, " For in this hope we were saved.  But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  This virus may be in for the long haul.  2020 is half done. Who knows what's in store for us.  One can only Trust, Hope and have faith in The ONE who is constant, faithful  and Sovereign, and the is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Promise Rainbow...assurance and hope

In view of my January 29 post, with regards to the news about CJ.  I remain hopeful.  As a personal testimony, a rainbow to me is God's way of showing me that my prayers are answered.  How, when, in what manner, I leave that up to Him, He has full discretion.  All I know is that my prayers are answered.

My first rainbow sighting was unexpected.  It was a time of unbelievably unexpected.  It's still winter and our last winter was rainy-stormy for most of the time.  I shared a car pool ride with a co-worker and it was raining, more like a heavy drizzle.  I am so on the lookout for a rainbow while on Fwy280 heading to Millbrae to pick up my car.  I was not optimistic because it's really drizzling heavy so, I said, "how could there be a rainbow sighting?"  I got dropped in Millbrae station to grab my car to go to see Addi.  But walah, by the entry was a partial rainbow sighting and I was like, "Whoaaaa, is this a rainbow?"  I immediately drew my phone out with my hand quivering and at the same time, praying that no one is behind me and kept looking intently to make sure it is a rainbow and not just my imagination as a result of intense desire to see one, to get an answer... but it was, it was a partial rainbow that after my intersection, i went straight to the bayside-airport side hotel lined up area where i can really prove it is a rainbow!  I parked, walked with my eyes tearing up white uttering an endless thank you to the Lord.  I saw it, like just a quarter of the rainbow and nevertheless repeatedly said "thank you, Lord Jesus"  This is an answer I've been waiting for and my heart couldn't be more assured that CJ will be spared more of life.  My heart rested at peace, in comfort that indeed, The Lord have heard and answered my prayers.  This was Feb 15, at 2:35pm.

We were fortunate to be with them in May 2019 to celebrate her 41st birthday.  We had so much fun, and it didn't seem like a dreaful-sad experience.  I guess that's how you celebrate life especially when Christ is in your midst and in the core of your heart.  We are just fortunate to have experience this.

For now, my heart is at rest, especially with what they sahred to us on Nov 19, 2019 CT Scan result, "no evidence of metastatic disease is detected".  And what that meant was Mell's explanation that the liver lesions found before improved and just found a scar, no spot found.  Tho there was a sighting in the lungs, it was an "unspecified" one because it is to small to categorize.  The CA found in the original right breast rest the same, which is being treated by the targeted therapy every 3 weeks which is what we are currently in persistent and fervent prayer.  Her CA 15-3 markers are in normal range meaning they are sleeping, aka dormant.  This is just awesome news, and answered prayer and we shall keep the hope alive, the faith strengthened, and be on our knees religiously. 

ALL GLORY TO JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD and SAVIOUR, Hallelujah!!!!

And yes, I'm 60!!!

Whoaaaa, I am 60!  Golly, that 10 years went by so quickly.  So this is life at 60... bad achy bones during the winter, backache, the mind going faster than the slowing body 😂, favorite word in doctor's clinic is now everything "degenerative",  forgetting things not even after an hour, 😕. Not to mention the so many medications to take, etc, etc, etc...

Others like to spend their days, what they call enjoying life to the max, livin' la vida loca, as my friend Helen would say.  Others, spending it in solitude and quietness, while other in shopping, or working to death to be rich... Many ways, many forms, depending on how one would define it.

I guess mine still remains the same.  My life motto of , "life is but simple!"  I still choose a quiet, family oriented, simple lifestyle.  Spend only what you earn after tithes and a little savings (more, if it allows).  I'm not sure if it's right for me to say, I can't be rich.  Unless I win a lotto, I am, unfortunately, not one of those goal oriented people.  Sounds bad noh?   I recall my favorite boss, Lilian Kamal whom I served for more than 10 years at Stanford, on my 1st year with her, on my review day, she asked me, "what's you work goal?"  My reply?  "None, I just love working for you.  I'm happy in what I do and happy to do the work."  On my 2nd year, she asked me the same question, my reply? The same.  The 3rd year, she asked me again, my reply, the same.  There was no more on the 4th year and any succeeding years.  It cracks me up, but I still have the same response.  Does that mean I am unfulfilled? Unhappy?  A definite Nope indeed.  I still am happy to do what I do, I think I am good in being a "servant" to my bosses, I still find Mondays my best day because, my thinking is, if I don't have Mondays, I won't get to my Fridays and that is one motivation for me. 😉

So, at 60, what else do I expect? or Wish for?  A lot more, hoping and praying for another grand child, but that's up to our Gracious God, good and healthy long lives for my Ria and Andrew, and Addi, the good future the Lord has promised to them.

More enjoyable time with our "Tiny" Addi as she grows up, more memories with her.  Do I still need to say how much I enjoy "lola-hood?" 😊💗

Of course a secure financial future but I leave that up to the Lord, doing what we need to do about it.  Some time with family back home.  A retirement home where I can spend a less cold winter season.

My daughter asks me what I want for my 60th birthday?  I still say, I don't know.  I still and really don't know because my thinking is, I have all I need, not my wants but my needs that I know completes me already.  My husband Ray, my Ria, Andrew and our sweet "Tiny" Addi.  That, next to Jesus, they are the best things that give sparks to my life.  It's a life that completes me.

Just like King Solomon, even if I see life to be meaningless (sometimes, hahaha), I still seek wisdom above all (Psalm 90:12) and the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, not to depart from me (Psalm 51:11) and for goodness and mercy to follow me  all the days of my life, (Psalm23:6).

Happy 60th Birthday to me.  I kind of anticipate reaching 70, and wonder what God has in store for ne, for us.  But for now,  Ephesians 3:17-18 (TLB)  is what I'll try to treasure in my heart.  Now this is my wish, this is what I want...
"¹⁷ And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in (my) your hearts, living within (me) you as (I) you trust in him. May (my) your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; ^18-19 and may (I) you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for (myself) yourselves, though it is so great that (I) you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last (I) you will be filled up with God himself." 

 

Goodbye Carl...

    February 8, 2019.  It was late afternoon, in Greendale, playing with our Addi.  Day we got a devastating news that Carl passed away.  None of us couldn't believe it.  But it's real...our hearts we're broken. I can't imagine the Macugay boys without him.  It's now incomplete, not the same anymore...
    My husband is normally quite an "emotionless" guy, but he did shed tears, for his "baby" brother.  Not sure what went through his heart, all I know was, there's sadness in it, one I have not seen for long time.
    February 21, we bid our final goodbye.  We still do not know the real reason behind the loss of life, but to those who knew him well, was the mention of a great, funny, helpful and kind hearted guy,  It was great to see his friends, who came and paid respects, mentioned beautiful words and what lingers was his nephew, Marcel, who in his eulogy left a wonderful lesson of death and love...always remember to say "i love you" when our love ones are still with us.

    Goodbye Carl.  You will be fondly missed.  

Hope you are good from where you are...

One BIG Trial...One BIGGER God!

     Towards end of 2018, we got quite a devastating news regarding one of my nieces.  She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer that metastesized to the lymph nodes and liver.

     December 17, 2018 was when I actually learned it. We were on our way to Atlanta Airport heading back to San Francisco with my mom and brother Joey.  When I read her text to her sister, I became so anxious.  After checking in, while waiting for a wheelchair for my mom, an african american lady was singing Christmas Carols, she was being video taped.  In the middle of all her songs, all of a sudden, she sang "God will make a way".  I'm not sure if all of you are believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, if you have accepted Him as Lord and Saviour of your lives, but I AM! Upon hearing her sing it, I was in tears (hiding it from my mom and brother) and I kept saying, "You are so awesome, Lord. You gave me such a quick response and You calmed my anxious heart."  As the lady left, i gave her a hug and said "thank you" for being an instrument to an answered prayer right away.  It was definitely Jesus in the form of her.  I took that flight with a very sound assurance that He will indeed make a way for our CJ.

     Days went by, we are constantly in communication, I ask Brothers and Sisters in the Lord to help me pray for her, I asked my church to keep her in prayers as other friends of mine have told me that their churches are in prayer, and even fasting for her.  I can't thank enough my faithful prayer partners whom I've asked to perseveringly and earnestly pray for her.

    The month of December was dedicated to reading the book of Luke, and as I was doing so, even before the news came out.  I remember reading all the miracles Jesus was doing, and little did I know, there was a reason for me reading all that, because I/we, (my whole family), will and are expecting for the miracle we are praying for.  Healing for CJ. I really believe God will give us this miracle.
   

I have to admit, extreme sadness wraps my heart when i think of her.  I can't say that I didn't fear, but more than that, is an assurance.  Yes, an assurance that God will really make a way for her.  I don't know, I can't explain, but I just firmly believe it!  January 16, 2019 is her first chemo, and talk about other circumstances that the enemy uses to cripple us with fear, but prayers of the saints are bombarding heavens and despite the swelling-wrong use of needle etc, they managed to get things in order and get her session going and finished it.  She even went to work for a few days.  Zoelee got sick though, and again, we were very concerned.  One day, was a text of her going in the hospital because she felt feverish and was kept overnight, and with Mell being in China. (I didn't know until much later) So we kept praying, messaged my group to keep her in prayers again.  Praise God, she got over it.

      Every like, early morning I'd wake up and would pray for her, for the Lord Jesus to be her Emmanuel, to comfort her and grant her the strength and endurance to cope, physically, mentally and spiritually.  One can't help but be tempted to go on the "dark side" when you are in such situation, I can't even begin to imagine what her and Mell are going through.  But I am praying for them as much as everyone else.

     On January 24, 2019, on my way to work, early in the morning is when i always tune in to my daily radio station, KFAX and my driving time coincides with Pstr. Shelley of Church of the Highlands Bible reading, prayer, then music.  Then walah, the song "God will make a way" plays again.  I was in tears, just started thanking Jesus over and over, because again, that blessed assurance that He will make a way is re-affirmed once again.  Do I still get afraid? Of course I do.  But every time I am tempted to go to the "dark side", I counter it with verses I can remember and utter it all the time, over and over until peace envelopes my heart again.  1Corinthians 10:13 is one that I quote so often.  I even remembered Tita Cora telling me about 15 years and I searched for it.  it was Isaiah 38:1-8 and though the actual chapter does not really relate to CJ's case is the promise of healing, the miracle God sent which was mind boggling.  But because Hezekiah remained obedient, he was healed.  Again, the key is obedience, faithfulness in our relationship with Christ.  Tho maybe unbelievable to others, but for me, I know deep inside my heart, CJ will be given an extension by the Lord.  I keep praying that this is not out of my arrogance, but simply the faith I have in the truth of Christ, my God and Saviour.  That it is only by His grace and mercy.
We shall be patient in waiting upon the Lord, to do what He deems necessary to do, to be the God whom He says He is and no matter what lies ahead, He is in full control.  I can't explain it, all I know is that in my heart and I am very assured of this, HE WILL MAKE A WAY.  And ALL Glory we will give back to HIM and HIM ALONE.

2017 & 2018 ...where are you???

    Wow, 😲 I missed two long year (2017 & 2018).  I better write, thus,  2019, January 9, to be exact, I am starting again!   Welcome 2019!

    Being at this age, mentally, that is, is so much harder in remembering what has transpired, not even an hour ago!  Physically, feeling every pain, fingers, knees, joints, lower spine, wrinkling skin, etc., is a constant reminder to ask the Lord to teach us to number our days, that we may (continually) gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).  Every incident, every experience, is tied up with God's Word lately, which is good, because it's a reminder of how we constantly need to depend on Him, and Him ALONE!

Psalm 143:8 " Let me hear your unfailing love each morning; for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you."

     Indeed, is my daily prayer.  I have to remind myself to remain in Him, so He can remain in me, to cleanse me of my unrighteousness, so He can hear me. Like David in Psalm 51, "let not your Holy Spirit depart from me, that I may walk in your truth."  It's all I long for, to always know of the Lord's presence in my life, to remain in Him, to learn to be content, and to reflect Him in my life, which is hard.  Being Christ-like does not come easy, sometimes with a high price. But it's all worth it, for the lessons learned, for the experiences gained and above all for the obedience and strength to make the the changes.  How can one go wrong with that?  Especially if the architect of our lives is the one drawing it?  Not sure what the days ahead mean again.  One can't plan enough, one can't foresee enough, though we make plans, it's still the Lord Jesus Christ directing our every step (Proverbs16:9)
    And who could better partner with me than my our own "Tiny" in my prayers?

      "Lord Jesus, I commit to you my days.  Not just me, but my whole family.  Ray, Addi, Ria and Andrew.  Our plans of finding the right place You will direct us this year or the coming years, whether to stay in California, or move away.  We don't hold our future, YOU do!  Just keep our hearts in tune with Yours, that we may know, we are following your lead.
      And for the rest of the Almeda family, my mom, siblings and spouses, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. We humbly ask that the curse of sin be broken and cut in our generation and not get passed to our children anymore.  We would like to experience more of your goodness, mercy and grace.  May every blessing be deserving, may your grace abound and may your light so shine upon us, as your good deeds be seen in us, so that You, our Father, will be glorified.  This we give thanks and pray, In JESUS' Mighty Name. Amen"

Hormones and Faith - 2017

Hormones and Faith.

   What a combination, right?  Hormones?  Affecting our faith?  How? One never thought of this until one gets there!  Hormones, who would think this can be a big trial of life?  And this is nothing to be ashamed of sharing, so here I go...

   It all started when I turned the big 5-0!  I was eager to get started anew at 50, thinking, it was an age to start living my life now. I can go back and pursue another BS degree, psychology maybe?  Which to date, I have not started.  Or start a business!  Which I did in 2014, but failed miserably. Or start writing?Which I thought I am good at but never dared to.  I married early, separated after less than 2 years, left the country to seek a better future for my daughter, got re-married to a wonderful man, Ray.  So after so many years and with us now settled, I figured, I can live my life now. But the body seemed not willing.  It took a toll on all the stress factors and was not cooperating at all.  And all because of HORMONES.  It fluctuates like a roller coaster, good grief! It was damping my body, mind and spirit.  I already grew up with weak immunity to start with.  Then in my late 20’s, diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  Unknown and known stress factors contributed at that time.  The adjustments of being new in this country, starting to work and learn my new environment and people I work with, the stress of physically being active and doing things alone and on your own, trying to build a new life.  Then add up other illnesses such as endometriosis, polyps in ovaries, esophageal problems in swallowing, terms like achalasia and dysphagia.  Moments when I can trade my torso to rid of my pains goes to my mind most of the time.  I was tired of being sick, constant visits to the ER.  Doctors, nurses and hospitals, they became my best friends.  But I was really getting tired of it. 

   This is when my spirit got damped, cold and aloof.  I develop a negative attitude and mind frame and reflected in my actions.  It was overwhelming and overshadowing my thoughts, and it became ugly.  I started being resentful, angry, and bitter.  I distanced myself more than before and I didn’t know how to deal with it, I couldn’t communicate with anyone fearing they may think less of me, I got afraid.

   Now,  this is where FAITH comes in. These trials are good because it draws me closer to God and no one else.  I have love ones that surrounds me but it is the love of Jesus that holds me and sustain me.  I go to His word and there, seek my comfort because at this point, there’s no answer to my hormonal conditions that affect me, my bad gastric problems, my thyroid condition, overall, my weak immunity.  The good of it all, it makes me educated in how I will deal with my condition, how I can minister to others who feels the same way or close to how it affects them.  It gave me all the chances to pray with them and introduce or make Jesus known and how He help me big in ways unfathomable.  In moments when fear creeps in, I keep reciting verses that calms me down, that assures me not only of God’s great love for me through His Son, Jesus Christ, but of His constant, never failing-unchanging love for me.  

    My hormones will still be in a roller coaster mode, but the love of Jesus is constant and will never ever fail me as long as I hold on to Him and trust in Him even when I feel like backing out, slowing down, or doubt life and myself.  Most of the days, I would journal my day, my thoughts, and end it with prayer.  Yes, I write my prayers because it helps me talk to my Best ever friend, my Saviour and Lord Jesus.  It is in those writing quiet moments when I hear Him talk to me, through His Word.  The Bible is the one book that spoke to me in every area of my life.  It has shown me my past, the wrongs I did and still do, but it also spoke to me about how I can deal with it, get out of it. Jesus, the cross, the Father’s love and the Spirit’s guidance is all I need to battle this raging hormones. Through Jesus, Victory is mine.  💓

Just to share, for reading and information, see link below:

https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause#1