And yes, I'm 60!!!

Whoaaaa, I am 60!  Golly, that 10 years went by so quickly.  So this is life at 60... bad achy bones during the winter, backache, the mind going faster than the slowing body 😂, favorite word in doctor's clinic is now everything "degenerative",  forgetting things not even after an hour, 😕. Not to mention the so many medications to take, etc, etc, etc...

Others like to spend their days, what they call enjoying life to the max, livin' la vida loca, as my friend Helen would say.  Others, spending it in solitude and quietness, while other in shopping, or working to death to be rich... Many ways, many forms, depending on how one would define it.

I guess mine still remains the same.  My life motto of , "life is but simple!"  I still choose a quiet, family oriented, simple lifestyle.  Spend only what you earn after tithes and a little savings (more, if it allows).  I'm not sure if it's right for me to say, I can't be rich.  Unless I win a lotto, I am, unfortunately, not one of those goal oriented people.  Sounds bad noh?   I recall my favorite boss, Lilian Kamal whom I served for more than 10 years at Stanford, on my 1st year with her, on my review day, she asked me, "what's you work goal?"  My reply?  "None, I just love working for you.  I'm happy in what I do and happy to do the work."  On my 2nd year, she asked me the same question, my reply? The same.  The 3rd year, she asked me again, my reply, the same.  There was no more on the 4th year and any succeeding years.  It cracks me up, but I still have the same response.  Does that mean I am unfulfilled? Unhappy?  A definite Nope indeed.  I still am happy to do what I do, I think I am good in being a "servant" to my bosses, I still find Mondays my best day because, my thinking is, if I don't have Mondays, I won't get to my Fridays and that is one motivation for me. 😉

So, at 60, what else do I expect? or Wish for?  A lot more, hoping and praying for another grand child, but that's up to our Gracious God, good and healthy long lives for my Ria and Andrew, and Addi, the good future the Lord has promised to them.

More enjoyable time with our "Tiny" Addi as she grows up, more memories with her.  Do I still need to say how much I enjoy "lola-hood?" 😊💗

Of course a secure financial future but I leave that up to the Lord, doing what we need to do about it.  Some time with family back home.  A retirement home where I can spend a less cold winter season.

My daughter asks me what I want for my 60th birthday?  I still say, I don't know.  I still and really don't know because my thinking is, I have all I need, not my wants but my needs that I know completes me already.  My husband Ray, my Ria, Andrew and our sweet "Tiny" Addi.  That, next to Jesus, they are the best things that give sparks to my life.  It's a life that completes me.

Just like King Solomon, even if I see life to be meaningless (sometimes, hahaha), I still seek wisdom above all (Psalm 90:12) and the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, not to depart from me (Psalm 51:11) and for goodness and mercy to follow me  all the days of my life, (Psalm23:6).

Happy 60th Birthday to me.  I kind of anticipate reaching 70, and wonder what God has in store for ne, for us.  But for now,  Ephesians 3:17-18 (TLB)  is what I'll try to treasure in my heart.  Now this is my wish, this is what I want...
"¹⁷ And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in (my) your hearts, living within (me) you as (I) you trust in him. May (my) your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; ^18-19 and may (I) you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for (myself) yourselves, though it is so great that (I) you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last (I) you will be filled up with God himself." 

 

Goodbye Carl...

    February 8, 2019.  It was late afternoon, in Greendale, playing with our Addi.  Day we got a devastating news that Carl passed away.  None of us couldn't believe it.  But it's real...our hearts we're broken. I can't imagine the Macugay boys without him.  It's now incomplete, not the same anymore...
    My husband is normally quite an "emotionless" guy, but he did shed tears, for his "baby" brother.  Not sure what went through his heart, all I know was, there's sadness in it, one I have not seen for long time.
    February 21, we bid our final goodbye.  We still do not know the real reason behind the loss of life, but to those who knew him well, was the mention of a great, funny, helpful and kind hearted guy,  It was great to see his friends, who came and paid respects, mentioned beautiful words and what lingers was his nephew, Marcel, who in his eulogy left a wonderful lesson of death and love...always remember to say "i love you" when our love ones are still with us.

    Goodbye Carl.  You will be fondly missed.  

Hope you are good from where you are...

One BIG Trial...One BIGGER God!

     Towards end of 2018, we got quite a devastating news regarding one of my nieces.  She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer that metastesized to the lymph nodes and liver.

     December 17, 2018 was when I actually learned it. We were on our way to Atlanta Airport heading back to San Francisco with my mom and brother Joey.  When I read her text to her sister, I became so anxious.  After checking in, while waiting for a wheelchair for my mom, an african american lady was singing Christmas Carols, she was being video taped.  In the middle of all her songs, all of a sudden, she sang "God will make a way".  I'm not sure if all of you are believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, if you have accepted Him as Lord and Saviour of your lives, but I AM! Upon hearing her sing it, I was in tears (hiding it from my mom and brother) and I kept saying, "You are so awesome, Lord. You gave me such a quick response and You calmed my anxious heart."  As the lady left, i gave her a hug and said "thank you" for being an instrument to an answered prayer right away.  It was definitely Jesus in the form of her.  I took that flight with a very sound assurance that He will indeed make a way for our CJ.

     Days went by, we are constantly in communication, I ask Brothers and Sisters in the Lord to help me pray for her, I asked my church to keep her in prayers as other friends of mine have told me that their churches are in prayer, and even fasting for her.  I can't thank enough my faithful prayer partners whom I've asked to perseveringly and earnestly pray for her.

    The month of December was dedicated to reading the book of Luke, and as I was doing so, even before the news came out.  I remember reading all the miracles Jesus was doing, and little did I know, there was a reason for me reading all that, because I/we, (my whole family), will and are expecting for the miracle we are praying for.  Healing for CJ. I really believe God will give us this miracle.
   

I have to admit, extreme sadness wraps my heart when i think of her.  I can't say that I didn't fear, but more than that, is an assurance.  Yes, an assurance that God will really make a way for her.  I don't know, I can't explain, but I just firmly believe it!  January 16, 2019 is her first chemo, and talk about other circumstances that the enemy uses to cripple us with fear, but prayers of the saints are bombarding heavens and despite the swelling-wrong use of needle etc, they managed to get things in order and get her session going and finished it.  She even went to work for a few days.  Zoelee got sick though, and again, we were very concerned.  One day, was a text of her going in the hospital because she felt feverish and was kept overnight, and with Mell being in China. (I didn't know until much later) So we kept praying, messaged my group to keep her in prayers again.  Praise God, she got over it.

      Every like, early morning I'd wake up and would pray for her, for the Lord Jesus to be her Emmanuel, to comfort her and grant her the strength and endurance to cope, physically, mentally and spiritually.  One can't help but be tempted to go on the "dark side" when you are in such situation, I can't even begin to imagine what her and Mell are going through.  But I am praying for them as much as everyone else.

     On January 24, 2019, on my way to work, early in the morning is when i always tune in to my daily radio station, KFAX and my driving time coincides with Pstr. Shelley of Church of the Highlands Bible reading, prayer, then music.  Then walah, the song "God will make a way" plays again.  I was in tears, just started thanking Jesus over and over, because again, that blessed assurance that He will make a way is re-affirmed once again.  Do I still get afraid? Of course I do.  But every time I am tempted to go to the "dark side", I counter it with verses I can remember and utter it all the time, over and over until peace envelopes my heart again.  1Corinthians 10:13 is one that I quote so often.  I even remembered Tita Cora telling me about 15 years and I searched for it.  it was Isaiah 38:1-8 and though the actual chapter does not really relate to CJ's case is the promise of healing, the miracle God sent which was mind boggling.  But because Hezekiah remained obedient, he was healed.  Again, the key is obedience, faithfulness in our relationship with Christ.  Tho maybe unbelievable to others, but for me, I know deep inside my heart, CJ will be given an extension by the Lord.  I keep praying that this is not out of my arrogance, but simply the faith I have in the truth of Christ, my God and Saviour.  That it is only by His grace and mercy.
We shall be patient in waiting upon the Lord, to do what He deems necessary to do, to be the God whom He says He is and no matter what lies ahead, He is in full control.  I can't explain it, all I know is that in my heart and I am very assured of this, HE WILL MAKE A WAY.  And ALL Glory we will give back to HIM and HIM ALONE.

2017 & 2018 ...where are you???

    Wow, 😲 I missed two long year (2017 & 2018).  I better write, thus,  2019, January 9, to be exact, I am starting again!   Welcome 2019!

    Being at this age, mentally, that is, is so much harder in remembering what has transpired, not even an hour ago!  Physically, feeling every pain, fingers, knees, joints, lower spine, wrinkling skin, etc., is a constant reminder to ask the Lord to teach us to number our days, that we may (continually) gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).  Every incident, every experience, is tied up with God's Word lately, which is good, because it's a reminder of how we constantly need to depend on Him, and Him ALONE!

Psalm 143:8 " Let me hear your unfailing love each morning; for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you."

     Indeed, is my daily prayer.  I have to remind myself to remain in Him, so He can remain in me, to cleanse me of my unrighteousness, so He can hear me. Like David in Psalm 51, "let not your Holy Spirit depart from me, that I may walk in your truth."  It's all I long for, to always know of the Lord's presence in my life, to remain in Him, to learn to be content, and to reflect Him in my life, which is hard.  Being Christ-like does not come easy, sometimes with a high price. But it's all worth it, for the lessons learned, for the experiences gained and above all for the obedience and strength to make the the changes.  How can one go wrong with that?  Especially if the architect of our lives is the one drawing it?  Not sure what the days ahead mean again.  One can't plan enough, one can't foresee enough, though we make plans, it's still the Lord Jesus Christ directing our every step (Proverbs16:9)
    And who could better partner with me than my our own "Tiny" in my prayers?

      "Lord Jesus, I commit to you my days.  Not just me, but my whole family.  Ray, Addi, Ria and Andrew.  Our plans of finding the right place You will direct us this year or the coming years, whether to stay in California, or move away.  We don't hold our future, YOU do!  Just keep our hearts in tune with Yours, that we may know, we are following your lead.
      And for the rest of the Almeda family, my mom, siblings and spouses, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. We humbly ask that the curse of sin be broken and cut in our generation and not get passed to our children anymore.  We would like to experience more of your goodness, mercy and grace.  May every blessing be deserving, may your grace abound and may your light so shine upon us, as your good deeds be seen in us, so that You, our Father, will be glorified.  This we give thanks and pray, In JESUS' Mighty Name. Amen"

Hormones and Faith - 2017

Hormones and Faith.

   What a combination, right?  Hormones?  Affecting our faith?  How? One never thought of this until one gets there!  Hormones, who would think this can be a big trial of life?  And this is nothing to be ashamed of sharing, so here I go...

   It all started when I turned the big 5-0!  I was eager to get started anew at 50, thinking, it was an age to start living my life now. I can go back and pursue another BS degree, psychology maybe?  Which to date, I have not started.  Or start a business!  Which I did in 2014, but failed miserably. Or start writing?Which I thought I am good at but never dared to.  I married early, separated after less than 2 years, left the country to seek a better future for my daughter, got re-married to a wonderful man, Ray.  So after so many years and with us now settled, I figured, I can live my life now. But the body seemed not willing.  It took a toll on all the stress factors and was not cooperating at all.  And all because of HORMONES.  It fluctuates like a roller coaster, good grief! It was damping my body, mind and spirit.  I already grew up with weak immunity to start with.  Then in my late 20’s, diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  Unknown and known stress factors contributed at that time.  The adjustments of being new in this country, starting to work and learn my new environment and people I work with, the stress of physically being active and doing things alone and on your own, trying to build a new life.  Then add up other illnesses such as endometriosis, polyps in ovaries, esophageal problems in swallowing, terms like achalasia and dysphagia.  Moments when I can trade my torso to rid of my pains goes to my mind most of the time.  I was tired of being sick, constant visits to the ER.  Doctors, nurses and hospitals, they became my best friends.  But I was really getting tired of it. 

   This is when my spirit got damped, cold and aloof.  I develop a negative attitude and mind frame and reflected in my actions.  It was overwhelming and overshadowing my thoughts, and it became ugly.  I started being resentful, angry, and bitter.  I distanced myself more than before and I didn’t know how to deal with it, I couldn’t communicate with anyone fearing they may think less of me, I got afraid.

   Now,  this is where FAITH comes in. These trials are good because it draws me closer to God and no one else.  I have love ones that surrounds me but it is the love of Jesus that holds me and sustain me.  I go to His word and there, seek my comfort because at this point, there’s no answer to my hormonal conditions that affect me, my bad gastric problems, my thyroid condition, overall, my weak immunity.  The good of it all, it makes me educated in how I will deal with my condition, how I can minister to others who feels the same way or close to how it affects them.  It gave me all the chances to pray with them and introduce or make Jesus known and how He help me big in ways unfathomable.  In moments when fear creeps in, I keep reciting verses that calms me down, that assures me not only of God’s great love for me through His Son, Jesus Christ, but of His constant, never failing-unchanging love for me.  

    My hormones will still be in a roller coaster mode, but the love of Jesus is constant and will never ever fail me as long as I hold on to Him and trust in Him even when I feel like backing out, slowing down, or doubt life and myself.  Most of the days, I would journal my day, my thoughts, and end it with prayer.  Yes, I write my prayers because it helps me talk to my Best ever friend, my Saviour and Lord Jesus.  It is in those writing quiet moments when I hear Him talk to me, through His Word.  The Bible is the one book that spoke to me in every area of my life.  It has shown me my past, the wrongs I did and still do, but it also spoke to me about how I can deal with it, get out of it. Jesus, the cross, the Father’s love and the Spirit’s guidance is all I need to battle this raging hormones. Through Jesus, Victory is mine.  💓

Just to share, for reading and information, see link below:

https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause#1

Year to simply TRUST....A year of Miracles...2016!

Isaiah 26:3-4  "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!    Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock. "

When God speaks, it's up to us to hear.  It's up to us to quiet our spirits and let His tiny voice ring in our ears.  That's my choice this year.  Reading further Isaiah 61, The year of Lord's favor...favors! with an "S".  With expectant heart to the unknowns....

Ria's pregnancy is just going good.  We are excited and anticipate the coming of our Addison Rae.  All is good, so far and it's past her 2nd trimester.

Mom's trip to the Philippines was quite a disappointing one to her and maybe somehow affected her emotionally.  Her resistance seemed weaker and thus, her sciatica attacked again and it took us 2 ER visits, and several doctor's visits, to no avail.  Until the nurse had all medicines stopped and gave her steroids, antibiotics and started using nebulizer again.  Now, that worked and sent her back to her normal self slowly and regaining her resistance back again.  Just in time for another trial that was about to occur.

By early May, on Ria's side of the pregnancy term, was an abrupt twist. She came in for a regular doctor's visit and then boom, Addi was born at 30 weeks and 5 days, due to preeclampsia.  It was nerve-racking.  It all happened so fast, and that made us think, it was all in God's perfect timing though.  Throughout the whole ordeal, I was on my knees asking the Lord for His grace and mercy in their behalf.  That My Ria be kept safe despite the soaring high blood pressure and for our baby Addi not to be affected.  I'm sure my son in law, was a nervous wreck himself.  But this is where I realized and fully grasp what full surrender was.  Did that mean I had no fears?  Of course not!  But despite all the nervousness, the fears, I can honestly say, my heart was steadfast in the hope that all else will be okay.  Romans 8:28 kept ringing in my ears, there's gotta be something good out of all this!  I scrambled on my phoned every night for God's comforting Words while I am on Ria duty and Psalm 112:6-8 truly guarded my heart.  

6 Surely the righteous will never be shaken;

    they will be remembered forever.

7 They will have no fear of bad news;

    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;

    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.

We were all tired, body and mind, specially my Ria, whose mind was probably wandering  every single second, but we prayed, we cried, and above all, we trusted in The GOD Almighty whom we believe is All Knowing of it all.  Trials, I realized, is meant to build up one's faith in God, to understand how to be at peace in the midst of the turmoil and to trust God despite the unknown.  And to develop more patience, as I reminded Ria and Andrew because it will be a road they have to trek now that have their little one to care for the rest of their lives.

Every single moment as I talk to my God, I thank Him, I tell Him to truly go deep into my heart and see how I am greatly filled with gratitude and to help me keep that in my heart specially in times I tend to complain or fail to see how He is working my life into something good, great and wonderful even if I don't see it, even if I don't understand it.  My prayer always to never even  let the Holy Spirit depart from my heart, for guidance and wisdom.

Our little Addi will grow to memorize a lot of bible verses, learn bible stories, learn a lot of music that will forever thank and give praise to God, because I will remind her of the Mighty work of God's hands over her life and all the people who prayed for her.  We can't wait for God's miracle to come home in this house God has blessed us with.  I always recite to her when I leave her at the NICU, Number 6:23-26.  Her progress are good, she's developing and growing stronger and healthier as days go by.  Thank you for all who prays for both mama, daddy and lil' Addi.

And in the end, we can say, "as for me and my house, (all of us), we will (choose) to serve the Lord Jesus Christ."

2015...swoooshhh, off it went!

I was just reading my last 2014 write up and i purposely delayed 2015 because of many events that happened.  Common things in life, some good, some bad, some working progress and some that stays on.  

The beginning of the year brought us some good news about Ria being pregnant , but to our dismay, it was a false one, again.  It was so heart breaking especially for a mother like me to see my daughter go through the roller coaster high and lows of such news.  But I kept trusting the Lord.  I simply ask to watch over my Ria and Andrew , and that in God's perfect time, it'll happen...

Fast forward, simply because I can't recall anymore really what happened in the past months as it went along...They had troubles with the condo where they lived and finally come September, they decided to sell the place.  Praise God they were able to and even if they didn't make much, every detail of our prayers were answered.  I prayed that it'll help Andrew develop a deeper sense of trust in the leading of God, especially in his decisions.  God bless that family that took over in all of their dealings.  We asked the Lord to bless them accordingly.

Now comes a major change in our lives.  They move in with us again.  My heart is fine, I am up to them moving in because it has brought some laugther in the house front.  Ray's got time to even sit down watch sports with Andrew and have someone he can talk to and enjoy watching sports.  Mom's got an everyday bodyguard, (wink-wink) too.

Sometimes, even in off guard moments, things just happen and it's for the good, as God promised.  I am learning to just trust in the unknown.  I still go wonder and thought wander, but the bottom line of it is relying simply on His promises.  Dismiss the worry, and then just Trust.  I often catch myself talking to myself, thinking how I and Ray will be in our older age, moneywise, and in the end, i simply utter, "Lord, you said, you will take of us and I will not worry about it, because you hold our future and that's your job."  We will just live for the moments that He gives us, do our job, share his gospel either in words or in our lifestyle.

Some not so good news as well, when Tita Linda Guzman was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, with tumors found in her lungs too.  We fell on our knees, in earnest, persevering, persistent prayers in her behalf believing that He will show us miracles.  Same for Elmer and Joann, and even little Joshua. 

August I was offered a 1 year fixed term at Genetics and my prayer is for the Lord to let me know that this is part of His great plan for my life.  I ask to see an actual rainbow as His sign to me that it is...He knows my heart, well, and what my limited mind does not know is if my desire to just to be a home earner with benefits is the plan He has for me.  I have to remain prayerful about it.

Then come mid October again and we got great news.  Our Ria and Andrew are pregnant again!  And this time, it's a go!!! We held up until the 14th week.  The more I prayed, prayed and prayed...a strong heartbeat on the Dec 29 doctor's appointment. Praise the Mighty and Sweestest Name of Jesus.  Our perfect little gift.  Oh how we have waited for our precious little one.  We so anticipate and are very excited come June-July 2016!  And so Is CJ and Mell!  Praise God.

The year ended quite busy when Ate had to come so mom can have a companion going home because we got scared of the "laglag bala" scam in the Philippine airport.  So, again, in God's perfect timing  and mighty provisions, she was able to spend 2015 Christmas holidays with us, even her birthday.

We closed the year thanking God over and over, again and again for all that He has done to us.