Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-3

2013 has been challenging for us and yet everything that is in God’s Word stands true. We have walked days of rough and tough testing, but we have set our hearts and mind to His promise.

Deuteronomy 31:8

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid ;
 do not be discouraged.”

A New Adventure
We have spent the last half of the year in a joint venture with my cousins in opening a restaurant, Plaza Rizal. It’s been both a source of joy and trial. It is a test of patience, hard work and commitment, definitely a life-changing experience. We stand hopeful that we’ll surpass the trials that goes with it. Again, it is God’s Word that is solely sustaining us in our days at the restaurant, its future rest at His hands, because what seems impossible to us is always possible to Him. 

On a lighter note, it’s been a year of love with weddings for many couples dear to us: Nikki & Chris, Nowie & Jun, TJ & Courtney, Maria & Ray, Manuel & Rachel. There were also pregnancy announcements in the family: Uby & Jopet, Chelle & Richard, Sookie & Cezar. It’s the year of birthday milestones too, Joey turning 50, Rico turning 60 and our dearest Mom, turning the Big 80! And lastly, a pleasant visit from Chelle who we’ve enjoyed having with us.

Whatever may be in store for us in 2014, we place our hope in our dear Lord Jesus…to trust in Him, despite the unknown. One can only desire that 2014 bring in new opportunities, better health, deeper faith and great wisdom that comes from above. In closing, Psalm 37 creates a deep well of renewed hope that if we remain in Him, He will remain in us and fight for us and give us His unfailing promise.

Our Vacations 
Our only family vacation was sometime in the summer going kayaking in the Russian River. Though Lola couldn’t come with us on the canoe, she had a good time staying at the timeshare. Ria and I spent a few days on a mother-daughter trip to Chicago for a wedding, and as a family in Monterey for Maria & Ray’s wedding. But we are looking forward to our trip to the Philippines in just a few short weeks!

Plans for the New YearAs we all know, the future in not in our hands, but our God Almighty. But His word declared that we ought to ask, so we can receive. So, for 2014, we hope to have success in the restaurant business, to find new jobs, to travel more and spend more time as a family and above all, to keep praying and seeking God at all times.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-14

From us all, to you and yours,

Merry Christmas and a Happy, Hopeful 2014

 

Love and prayers always,

Ray, Avine, Ria, Andrew, Lola/Tita Coring and Alex

 

A beautiful reminder from my loving daughter, December 5, 2013

Days will come when you don't have the strength

And all you hear is you're not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

You're beautiful

Praying that you'd have the heart to fight

'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight

For all the lies you've held inside so long

They are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath

Long before the world began

Of all the wonders He possessed

There was one more precious

Of all the earth and skies above

You're the one He madly loves

Enough to die

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

In His eyes

You see me through the seasons....

a line of one of my fave songs from hillsong.  indeed, Jesus sees me through all the seasons of my life.  February was my last entry and the past months have been so dreadful for me.  Everything that has transpired this year are negatives that's pulling me down. 

•  being laid off and not finding a job since July 2012;
• my thyroids acting up, though not cancerous;
• scare in my mammogram results;
• 2013 partnering with relatives to start a business and knowing it was not with full agreement with your plans and your word;
• the business robbing me of my time with you
• legal issues to deal with (IHSS, traffic);
• lots of financial obligations and needs (medical, legal);
• physically and mentally exhausted;
• another thyroid scare, in progress,  lymph node in my back neck, fear of not knowing;
• my husband having all these body weakness and illness too;
• my son in law retiring early in the force due to illness;
• last but not the least, my daughter going through a lot of medical issues too.

  As I was alone in the office, I had a quick conversation with God, how tired I am, how frustrated I am, and that led to my confession :  how much I need you again Lord Jesus, to help me with my health, my finances, my relationships, most of all, my faith.  I am afraid i get so dependent on myself to work all things, and i wear myself out, which leads me to find less time with You.  I made many decisions that are contrary to your leading, because i wanted to please people close to my heart, neglecting to please You instead. I've forgotten for a minute to listen to your voice instead, but rather, listen to just my own and drown in my guilt.  And look where it led me?  I can see the enemy working hard to destroy me in and out.  But today, You reminded me again to search my heart and know my anxious thoughts, to see if there are wicked ways in me and I ask the You lead to ways everlasting instead.  Renew my spirits and take not your Holy Spirit away from me...like David, your son, a man after your heart, please make me a woman after your heart too.  Refresh me Lord, I truly need You.  I have so many bills piled up, I have no time to do other things but work which just leads to nothing.  I want Your fullness again, I need to know how much You truly love me once again, make me remember, not just the feeling, but the assurance of your love.  It's embedded in my mind but it seems so far from my heart. I implore dear Jesus, make me know of your love and let me love again, love that will love others just as you have commanded.  Do not let my thyroids illness affect my faith, but rather have this thyroids  imbalance make me know of my deeper need of you.  I know how messed up I am, but I need to know that You can make me full again, restore me, and fill me up with your love, your spirit and everything that You are. Make me go through these bad seasons of my life with endurance, with faith which is not just in my head, but make me cross that line of knowing You in a greater height and really being assured and having the full knowledge, not my own way, but yours, Lord.  Make me not ask, "do you really hear me?  do you really know what I feel and go through right now? because I am angry, i am very frustrated, it's robbing me of hope, robbing me in believing You are watching over me and intending all good for me because i can't seem to hold on anymore.  Or is it me? what am i doing wrong?  I tend to use my hormonal imbalance as a reason why i behave this way, i use science and blame it all this time."

But this morning was a revelation of what God has been telling me all along..."stop being so self reliant, depend on me!" That simple.  So today I pray:  "Dear Jesus, despite all, I give you thanks and praise because you do see me through the seasons of my life.  But help me, help not to depend on myself, learn to ask for help, accept help, not just from others but from You most specially.  Please help me not to harden my heart but rather, help me to have a submissive spirit.  Like the way Abraham did when you asked him to offer his son, all he did was believe that You will even provide the offering.  Then I ask You, humbly, make me BELIEVE You!  Make me believe especially on time I can't see, I refuse to see that there is something better ahead.  Reveal to me a new revelation and a new perspective of what it is to believe in You.  Make me see a different and better side of faith, of submission, of humility and how else it is to be broken.  I am so broken right now Lord, I need to be restored.  Please don't let me go down the pit deeper, pull me out, Lord...teach me to forgive, release my anger and make peace with myself and others.  I'm tired Lord, I'm tired of doing things my own way.  I need you to step over and take control of me, my heart, my mind, my life...make me see well what it is You desire for me.  Make me see please, make me hear, clearly.  Clear of distractions, just your voice, just your face.  This I implore, in your most precious, powerful Name, amen!"

....carry me in your everlasting arms and never let me go, never let me go, through it all....

Weary - January 30, 2013

rest my weary heart, Lord,
calm my boggled thoughts;
make me see the path visible in your ways.

spring up new hopes,
lighten up the load;
bring life once again,
and deepen the trust needed.

You are my God.
You know the seasons of my life,
see me through once again,
Be my GOD!

has it been that long?

wow, almost 6 months now after the July 1, 2012 lay off?  Now i look back, i can't even remember what happened those past few months.  What a life cycle!  after finding my sign in and password to this blog, here i go again.   how funny that when a thought comes in and i have something to write, and then all of a sudden, gone! my memory retention can't just cope up anymore.

after doing some bills and looking into the bank account, one can't help but say, "oh geez, gotta start working again"...but the thing is, to find a job first.  The ever perpetual question i've had since the last lay off because as i've shared to my friend, my mind is so boggled with many thoughts, many things i want to do but i get stuck with my own limitations and self restrictions.  And looking at your account going downhill, it's depressing. my mom used to say, no matter how rich you may be, if you don't do anything to add up to that riches, it will all end up being used, eventually spent, and then gone!  but my question, like Solomon, is this all that is there in life? it's meaningless, meaningless, meaningless...yup, that is if we just look at the bank account.  still in prayers for a big money miracle, and yet....none...yet...when Lord?  when?

But again, the goodness of God is that, His provisions are on a daily basis. (Matthew 6:34)  so, i jotted this instead and found comfort again in the God I love and serve.

rest my weary heart, Lord,
calm my boggled thoughts;
make me see the path visible in your ways.

spring up new hopes,
lighten up the load;
bring life once again,
and deepen the trust needed.

You are my God.
You know the seasons of my life,
see me through once again,
Be my GOD!




Yes, Lord, be my ever Great God who will watch over me and take care of me.  Take away the works of the enemy in my life and continue to keep assuring me, that lo, til the end of age, You will be with me. 

Oh, so many things...

April 26, 2012 - email from Bing for prayers re: Gordon's health scare, Hodgkin's Lymphoma stage 3.
May 31, 2012 - Ria's 33rd Bday and my lay off call notice from Lilian to take effect July 1.
June 19, 2012 - my annual check up and mentioned about lump in my neck.
June 27, 2012 - getting an thyroid ultrasound and getting it biopsied,  our 25th wedding anniversary.
June 29, 2012 - a call that the result was benign, Praise God.

...and now it is towards end of August.  See how time flies?  All those months, the days in between, I succumbed to the busyness of work.  It was like, my world was just work.  Despite all the "troubles" i was encountering, I fell into the trap of "I", of "Me", of "Mine".  The world of self centered-ness and self reliance, self dependence.  Do you see how easy it is to put God aside and make Him 2nd best?  I did! But He is such an awesome God, perfect in His timing and plans.  The way He orchestrate things just so one gets reminded, I am not in control, HE IS!!!

Yes, He is in control.  I realized what it is to go through the panic, the pain and impatience of waiting for a biopsy result.  Mine was just 2-4 days, and it was torture.  I am one of the fortunate ones, because she delivered me a good news, that my growth was benign.  I was grateful.  It reminded me of my dad always telling me whenever I am sick that I still got one more "bulate" (a worm) to go...This incident gave me a sensitivity to those who are going through this evil illness of being stricken by the big "C".

Above all this, is being laid off.  But this was for the better, because my thyroid growth was due to the work stress, and I will not let another person that the enemy is using get hold of me and destroy me.  I hold on to God's truth and promise that "all things work together for good to those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose".  The loss of work is nothing compared to the moment of returning back to God once again, because one knows, (I know), the God whom I declare Sovereign, Powerful, All-Knowing, the Great Jehovah Jireh, will still provide for my needs.  And what a way to be to feel stripped of many things, only to gain the right perspective of WHO owns me and provides for me, developing a heart more assured of God's faithfulness to me.

All the days, to date, in my life is God's way of teaching me to be still and know that He is God.  To treasure each day as a gift and see the good in it despite all the negativity that is going on, all the problems I see around me.  I am trying to quiet my soul, being in a still mode, just so I can hear His small tiny voice, because I am asking Him to narrow down all the wild thoughts going on in my life, moments when I am tempted to act upon my selfish desires again, the many things I want to do.  I am asking the Lord Jesus to help me gain wisdom, in teaching me to number my days, and to fulfill my heart's desire to make a difference in people's lives.

I desire not to linger in the valley of spiritual desolation.  Like in Romans 7:24, a cry of  "who will rescue me?" echoes to the very throne of God from the deepest core of my heart.  But as it goes, (v:25), Thanks be to God, Through Jesus Christ our Lord!".  Amen

February 27, 2012...New Hope!

As I sat on my train ride going to work, in the early hour of the morning, I am sitting on the train, window side and I see the sun rising.  I couldn't help but see the great work of God's hands in the brightness of the sun rising.  Despite the "down feeling and whirlwind thoughts" I have, I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of God's creation, finding hope in my heart that after every night and darkness, is the promise of a new day, His mercies being new every morning and being in the presence of the Mighty God that I love and serve.  I wrote...

Out of the radiant rays of the sun that never fails to rise,
rise in me, O Christ, my Saviour.
Your beauty abounds,
just like Your wonderful, amazing grace,
live in me, O Jesus my Lord.

In your peace, I find comfort and rest;
In your promises, I find hope,
In your love, I find strength.
Guide me today,  that I may give glory to Your Name.
I love you Jesus, live in me, I pray.  Amen

2/27/12 6:35am on caltrain