Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Oh, so many things...

April 26, 2012 - email from Bing for prayers re: Gordon's health scare, Hodgkin's Lymphoma stage 3.
May 31, 2012 - Ria's 33rd Bday and my lay off call notice from Lilian to take effect July 1.
June 19, 2012 - my annual check up and mentioned about lump in my neck.
June 27, 2012 - getting an thyroid ultrasound and getting it biopsied,  our 25th wedding anniversary.
June 29, 2012 - a call that the result was benign, Praise God.

...and now it is towards end of August.  See how time flies?  All those months, the days in between, I succumbed to the busyness of work.  It was like, my world was just work.  Despite all the "troubles" i was encountering, I fell into the trap of "I", of "Me", of "Mine".  The world of self centered-ness and self reliance, self dependence.  Do you see how easy it is to put God aside and make Him 2nd best?  I did! But He is such an awesome God, perfect in His timing and plans.  The way He orchestrate things just so one gets reminded, I am not in control, HE IS!!!

Yes, He is in control.  I realized what it is to go through the panic, the pain and impatience of waiting for a biopsy result.  Mine was just 2-4 days, and it was torture.  I am one of the fortunate ones, because she delivered me a good news, that my growth was benign.  I was grateful.  It reminded me of my dad always telling me whenever I am sick that I still got one more "bulate" (a worm) to go...This incident gave me a sensitivity to those who are going through this evil illness of being stricken by the big "C".

Above all this, is being laid off.  But this was for the better, because my thyroid growth was due to the work stress, and I will not let another person that the enemy is using get hold of me and destroy me.  I hold on to God's truth and promise that "all things work together for good to those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose".  The loss of work is nothing compared to the moment of returning back to God once again, because one knows, (I know), the God whom I declare Sovereign, Powerful, All-Knowing, the Great Jehovah Jireh, will still provide for my needs.  And what a way to be to feel stripped of many things, only to gain the right perspective of WHO owns me and provides for me, developing a heart more assured of God's faithfulness to me.

All the days, to date, in my life is God's way of teaching me to be still and know that He is God.  To treasure each day as a gift and see the good in it despite all the negativity that is going on, all the problems I see around me.  I am trying to quiet my soul, being in a still mode, just so I can hear His small tiny voice, because I am asking Him to narrow down all the wild thoughts going on in my life, moments when I am tempted to act upon my selfish desires again, the many things I want to do.  I am asking the Lord Jesus to help me gain wisdom, in teaching me to number my days, and to fulfill my heart's desire to make a difference in people's lives.

I desire not to linger in the valley of spiritual desolation.  Like in Romans 7:24, a cry of  "who will rescue me?" echoes to the very throne of God from the deepest core of my heart.  But as it goes, (v:25), Thanks be to God, Through Jesus Christ our Lord!".  Amen