One BIG Trial...One BIGGER God!

     Towards end of 2018, we got quite a devastating news regarding one of my nieces.  She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer that metastesized to the lymph nodes and liver.

     December 17, 2018 was when I actually learned it. We were on our way to Atlanta Airport heading back to San Francisco with my mom and brother Joey.  When I read her text to her sister, I became so anxious.  After checking in, while waiting for a wheelchair for my mom, an african american lady was singing Christmas Carols, she was being video taped.  In the middle of all her songs, all of a sudden, she sang "God will make a way".  I'm not sure if all of you are believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, if you have accepted Him as Lord and Saviour of your lives, but I AM! Upon hearing her sing it, I was in tears (hiding it from my mom and brother) and I kept saying, "You are so awesome, Lord. You gave me such a quick response and You calmed my anxious heart."  As the lady left, i gave her a hug and said "thank you" for being an instrument to an answered prayer right away.  It was definitely Jesus in the form of her.  I took that flight with a very sound assurance that He will indeed make a way for our CJ.

     Days went by, we are constantly in communication, I ask Brothers and Sisters in the Lord to help me pray for her, I asked my church to keep her in prayers as other friends of mine have told me that their churches are in prayer, and even fasting for her.  I can't thank enough my faithful prayer partners whom I've asked to perseveringly and earnestly pray for her.

    The month of December was dedicated to reading the book of Luke, and as I was doing so, even before the news came out.  I remember reading all the miracles Jesus was doing, and little did I know, there was a reason for me reading all that, because I/we, (my whole family), will and are expecting for the miracle we are praying for.  Healing for CJ. I really believe God will give us this miracle.
   

I have to admit, extreme sadness wraps my heart when i think of her.  I can't say that I didn't fear, but more than that, is an assurance.  Yes, an assurance that God will really make a way for her.  I don't know, I can't explain, but I just firmly believe it!  January 16, 2019 is her first chemo, and talk about other circumstances that the enemy uses to cripple us with fear, but prayers of the saints are bombarding heavens and despite the swelling-wrong use of needle etc, they managed to get things in order and get her session going and finished it.  She even went to work for a few days.  Zoelee got sick though, and again, we were very concerned.  One day, was a text of her going in the hospital because she felt feverish and was kept overnight, and with Mell being in China. (I didn't know until much later) So we kept praying, messaged my group to keep her in prayers again.  Praise God, she got over it.

      Every like, early morning I'd wake up and would pray for her, for the Lord Jesus to be her Emmanuel, to comfort her and grant her the strength and endurance to cope, physically, mentally and spiritually.  One can't help but be tempted to go on the "dark side" when you are in such situation, I can't even begin to imagine what her and Mell are going through.  But I am praying for them as much as everyone else.

     On January 24, 2019, on my way to work, early in the morning is when i always tune in to my daily radio station, KFAX and my driving time coincides with Pstr. Shelley of Church of the Highlands Bible reading, prayer, then music.  Then walah, the song "God will make a way" plays again.  I was in tears, just started thanking Jesus over and over, because again, that blessed assurance that He will make a way is re-affirmed once again.  Do I still get afraid? Of course I do.  But every time I am tempted to go to the "dark side", I counter it with verses I can remember and utter it all the time, over and over until peace envelopes my heart again.  1Corinthians 10:13 is one that I quote so often.  I even remembered Tita Cora telling me about 15 years and I searched for it.  it was Isaiah 38:1-8 and though the actual chapter does not really relate to CJ's case is the promise of healing, the miracle God sent which was mind boggling.  But because Hezekiah remained obedient, he was healed.  Again, the key is obedience, faithfulness in our relationship with Christ.  Tho maybe unbelievable to others, but for me, I know deep inside my heart, CJ will be given an extension by the Lord.  I keep praying that this is not out of my arrogance, but simply the faith I have in the truth of Christ, my God and Saviour.  That it is only by His grace and mercy.
We shall be patient in waiting upon the Lord, to do what He deems necessary to do, to be the God whom He says He is and no matter what lies ahead, He is in full control.  I can't explain it, all I know is that in my heart and I am very assured of this, HE WILL MAKE A WAY.  And ALL Glory we will give back to HIM and HIM ALONE.

2017 & 2018 ...where are you???

    Wow, 😲 I missed two long year (2017 & 2018).  I better write, thus,  2019, January 9, to be exact, I am starting again!   Welcome 2019!

    Being at this age, mentally, that is, is so much harder in remembering what has transpired, not even an hour ago!  Physically, feeling every pain, fingers, knees, joints, lower spine, wrinkling skin, etc., is a constant reminder to ask the Lord to teach us to number our days, that we may (continually) gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).  Every incident, every experience, is tied up with God's Word lately, which is good, because it's a reminder of how we constantly need to depend on Him, and Him ALONE!

Psalm 143:8 " Let me hear your unfailing love each morning; for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you."

     Indeed, is my daily prayer.  I have to remind myself to remain in Him, so He can remain in me, to cleanse me of my unrighteousness, so He can hear me. Like David in Psalm 51, "let not your Holy Spirit depart from me, that I may walk in your truth."  It's all I long for, to always know of the Lord's presence in my life, to remain in Him, to learn to be content, and to reflect Him in my life, which is hard.  Being Christ-like does not come easy, sometimes with a high price. But it's all worth it, for the lessons learned, for the experiences gained and above all for the obedience and strength to make the the changes.  How can one go wrong with that?  Especially if the architect of our lives is the one drawing it?  Not sure what the days ahead mean again.  One can't plan enough, one can't foresee enough, though we make plans, it's still the Lord Jesus Christ directing our every step (Proverbs16:9)
    And who could better partner with me than my our own "Tiny" in my prayers?

      "Lord Jesus, I commit to you my days.  Not just me, but my whole family.  Ray, Addi, Ria and Andrew.  Our plans of finding the right place You will direct us this year or the coming years, whether to stay in California, or move away.  We don't hold our future, YOU do!  Just keep our hearts in tune with Yours, that we may know, we are following your lead.
      And for the rest of the Almeda family, my mom, siblings and spouses, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. We humbly ask that the curse of sin be broken and cut in our generation and not get passed to our children anymore.  We would like to experience more of your goodness, mercy and grace.  May every blessing be deserving, may your grace abound and may your light so shine upon us, as your good deeds be seen in us, so that You, our Father, will be glorified.  This we give thanks and pray, In JESUS' Mighty Name. Amen"

Hormones and Faith - 2017

Hormones and Faith.

   What a combination, right?  Hormones?  Affecting our faith?  How? One never thought of this until one gets there!  Hormones, who would think this can be a big trial of life?  And this is nothing to be ashamed of sharing, so here I go...

   It all started when I turned the big 5-0!  I was eager to get started anew at 50, thinking, it was an age to start living my life now. I can go back and pursue another BS degree, psychology maybe?  Which to date, I have not started.  Or start a business!  Which I did in 2014, but failed miserably. Or start writing?Which I thought I am good at but never dared to.  I married early, separated after less than 2 years, left the country to seek a better future for my daughter, got re-married to a wonderful man, Ray.  So after so many years and with us now settled, I figured, I can live my life now. But the body seemed not willing.  It took a toll on all the stress factors and was not cooperating at all.  And all because of HORMONES.  It fluctuates like a roller coaster, good grief! It was damping my body, mind and spirit.  I already grew up with weak immunity to start with.  Then in my late 20’s, diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  Unknown and known stress factors contributed at that time.  The adjustments of being new in this country, starting to work and learn my new environment and people I work with, the stress of physically being active and doing things alone and on your own, trying to build a new life.  Then add up other illnesses such as endometriosis, polyps in ovaries, esophageal problems in swallowing, terms like achalasia and dysphagia.  Moments when I can trade my torso to rid of my pains goes to my mind most of the time.  I was tired of being sick, constant visits to the ER.  Doctors, nurses and hospitals, they became my best friends.  But I was really getting tired of it. 

   This is when my spirit got damped, cold and aloof.  I develop a negative attitude and mind frame and reflected in my actions.  It was overwhelming and overshadowing my thoughts, and it became ugly.  I started being resentful, angry, and bitter.  I distanced myself more than before and I didn’t know how to deal with it, I couldn’t communicate with anyone fearing they may think less of me, I got afraid.

   Now,  this is where FAITH comes in. These trials are good because it draws me closer to God and no one else.  I have love ones that surrounds me but it is the love of Jesus that holds me and sustain me.  I go to His word and there, seek my comfort because at this point, there’s no answer to my hormonal conditions that affect me, my bad gastric problems, my thyroid condition, overall, my weak immunity.  The good of it all, it makes me educated in how I will deal with my condition, how I can minister to others who feels the same way or close to how it affects them.  It gave me all the chances to pray with them and introduce or make Jesus known and how He help me big in ways unfathomable.  In moments when fear creeps in, I keep reciting verses that calms me down, that assures me not only of God’s great love for me through His Son, Jesus Christ, but of His constant, never failing-unchanging love for me.  

    My hormones will still be in a roller coaster mode, but the love of Jesus is constant and will never ever fail me as long as I hold on to Him and trust in Him even when I feel like backing out, slowing down, or doubt life and myself.  Most of the days, I would journal my day, my thoughts, and end it with prayer.  Yes, I write my prayers because it helps me talk to my Best ever friend, my Saviour and Lord Jesus.  It is in those writing quiet moments when I hear Him talk to me, through His Word.  The Bible is the one book that spoke to me in every area of my life.  It has shown me my past, the wrongs I did and still do, but it also spoke to me about how I can deal with it, get out of it. Jesus, the cross, the Father’s love and the Spirit’s guidance is all I need to battle this raging hormones. Through Jesus, Victory is mine.  💓

Just to share, for reading and information, see link below:

https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause#1